The View from the Plateau

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

I’m totally hanging out on a plateau. It’s not entirely bad, as the plateau is only ten or fifteen pounds from the final destination. I remember over ten years ago, while living in Italy, stepping on the scale and cringing at the numbers “245.” Back then, the spot on the 145 plateau would have been highly coveted. Nonetheless, I’m here now, not there, and I want to push forward with new goals. I find myself slipping into that old pattern of thought of “I’ll get started next week,” or “When things aren’t so busy, I’ll start doing more exercise.” Yet, my experience over the past few years tells me that there are no major changes that need to be made for me to move forward. It’s just the little things. A little more attention paid to portions; adding a few minutes of stretching or some sit-ups to my daily routine; making sleep a priority; easing up on the schedule when I’m feeling overwhelmed; focusing on breathing more…. All these things don’t take a huge amount of incentive on a daily basis. It’s not like staring a whole new way of life on Monday.

Still, I find fatigue to be the greatest impediment to self-care these days. So, rather than obsess about my lack of progress, I try to keep focusing on the big picture and the strides I’ve made in the past few years, and will continue to make in the years to come. Just being conscious and having the intent insures this.

I have started to try to tap into my creative side a bit more. I started a journaling club for our homeschooling group, and have been trying to do some creative writing/art myself in a journal. I find that highly therapeutic. It’s required me to deal with the perfectionism thing by just moving forward with putting something on the blank page. I have to not worry about if my handwriting is neat enough, or if the content of what I’m writing is interesting, or if the doodles and art I draw are lame, but just focus on the big picture; filling the book, and knowing that journaling, just like eating well, or exercise, is a habit. And, as with any good habit, the more you do it, the better you get at it. So, even if I look back at that first FULL journal, and do think it’s completely lame, I am still now somebody who followed-through and filled a journal! I have at least twenty journals from age 10 or so until just the last couple years that have maybe ten or twenty entries, then nothing… Even my “journals” in word processing files mimic their neglected handwritten counterparts; a few entries, with expressions of good intentions to write frequently, then nothing. This, I think, could serve as a metaphor for many of my self-improvement endeavors. Thus, the journal project, for me, is an exercise in following-through, letting go of the outcome and enjoying the process.