Equilibrium

Sunday, 30 November 2008

I can’t believe how times gets away from me. It’s been on my to-do list to update this site for weeks, but whenever the time seems to avail itself, my energy and intellect do not. Thus, just a quick update, which really is no update at all. Things are much the same on the fitness forefront.

One thing I’m excited about lately, that has been helpful with our focus on whole organic foods, has been a produce co-op that we started as an adjunct to our regular natural foods buying club. Now every Monday night, at 11pm or so, a produce truck drops off a week’s worth of produce to my garage door. I then help sort it and make it available for pick-up for the group members for the next morning. Aside for the one late night a week, it’s really a great deal. I get a ton of fresh, organic produce, have cut our trips to the grocery store in half, and it’s cost-effective! We’re eating even more fruits and veggies and buying less convenience foods, like granola bars and crackers for the kids. They kind of went through withdrawal for awhile, but now I catch them munching on apples and carrots, and they’re being exposed to a lot more variety of produce, which is great! The only drawback is that it can be a little labor intensive with the chopping and prepping, but I’m only a couple months into it, and am getting into a groove. Because I purchase it all at once, and spend half of our grocery budget on it, I’m less inclined to let things wilt or spoil in the back of the fridge. Consequently, I’ve come up with some creative recipes, and we hardly eat out at all anymore. So, another upgrade in the Petite Family health and wellness plan.

On my current reading list is Dr. Joel Furhman’s book, Eat for Health. We’ve read his Eat to Live book in the past, and really found it helpful, but always felt it was a little too rigid to adhere to long-term. His newest book, Eat for Health, really addresses that by focusing on the “ideal” diet, but recognizing the many factors that influence a person’s health, and offering phases of improvement, rather than just an abrupt change to a really detoxifying way of eating. The only problem I find with reading his books is that it gets harder for me to willingly continue to do many of the things I do, like eat salt and drink coffee, without feeling like I could be feeling even better. But, then I go back to those lifestyle factors, and stress is a big one. I pat myself on the back for the huge changes in my lifestyle I’ve made for the better over the past few years. I also knowingly hold on to a few vices, if only to maintain my sense of equilibrium until I’m more prepared to be thrown off balance temporarily.

Weight-wise, I’m still holding steady around 145. They call it a plateau for a reason. It’s flat and easy to walk across, offering little resistance or challenge physically. It is not until the onset of emotional monotony that one is likely to crave the hills and valleys of a more diverse terrain. It is at that point when the landscape changes. I’m still not there yet. I’m enjoying the predictability and lack of incline for the moment.

I’ve decided to take a break from the scale until the New Year. I’ve weighed myself every week for years, and though I don’t think I’m obsessed, I think sometimes there is a little too much emotional attachment to the number. We have a doctor’s type scale in my bathroom, which I’ve had for over five years. The zero balance on the scale has always been off a pound or so, but since I started losing weight a few years back at 230 pounds, I just left it. I didn’t really care whether I actually weighed 231 or 229, but just that the descent downward was accurately measured.

One day last week, Darren thought he was being nice, and adjusted the zero balance. It was a Monday, so I weighed myself. I weighed 145. Then Darren mentioned to me that he had “fixed” the scale. Suddenly, my equilibrium was thrown off because he couldn’t remember whether it was a pound off up or down. Those feelings of lack of control and my self-worth being tied to a number on the scale came flooding back. I had to take a deep breath and just go on with my day, not giving more importance to a pound, one way or the other, than it was worth.

That’s one of the marked improvements in my mental health over the past few years. Though, of course, as someone who will always have to be vigilant about my health and weight, I do like to keep track of my weight, and gauge my progress. However, minor fluctuations don’t temper the whole outlook of my day anymore. I feel proud of myself simply for maintaining some stability in my weight, and even a gradual decline from this point on is progress to me.

Nonetheless, those old feelings reminded me that it is easy to get overly focused on the number, and wondering what it might be like to simply monitor my progress by the way my clothes fit and how I feel for a few weeks. I have a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans that are kind of my current goal. They are a size 10, and they fit, but I’d walk around all day with a wedgie and that lovely “muffin top” look if I wore them. So, my objective is to lose the five or six pounds needed for them to feel comfortable. I’m adding that to my list of New Year’s Resolutions!

So, that’s the status of my trek through the wilderness of health and wellness. I’ll be travelling without my GPS system (the scale) for the next month, and relying on the stars and the sun to lead me in the right direction. Oh gag… I’m just full of corny metaphors today!